Unwanted feelings

Okay, I am back.

As stated earlier. I am done, but my heart does not want to listen. What am I now to do with these feelings? Yes, they are still there despite my best efforts to throw them in the deepest, darkest pit and forget them.

You see my heart is stubborn and wants what it wants. Super frustrating. I still wont say that I love this guy, I have simply not known him long enough. It's more like I am obsessed with him, which is much worse!

He has been a great friend through probably one of the worst times of my life and I might have become more attached to him that even I realised at the time. I really value his friendship, but as stated in one of my previous posts, I screwed it all up. We barely speak anymore, if you can even call a matter of fact message once a week speaking.

How am I going to fix this? I don't want to lose the friendship of probably one of the best guys I know.

I don't want to broach the subject with him as I am too scared to lose the little contact I still have with him.

Okay, so I have been lying to myself, I am not done. How can I be when I so desperately still want to hear from him? Arghhhhh! This is so frustrating!

I know, I know! Pathetic! How can I be so insecure and dependent on  a guy that is according to his own words 'scared'. I do not have time for scared. You either like me or you don't. You want me or you don't. Live is messy, love is messy and being scared is usually a good indication that whatever your getting into is probably a good thing, because that is usually when we get scared.

If I can have the metaphorical balls to get over my countless fears related to getting involved with someone, why can't he do the same?

Oh, darn it! It seems I will just have to learn to live with it. Wish me luck.😉💗